Somebody

  Recently I had an opportunity to go on a blind date. We texted a bit for a couple weeks and then we kinda decided to go see the last Twilight movie together. I know, right? And he volunteered for this? Well, I was kinda giddy, you know? We were texting at one in the morning and I felt so good. And then we said good-night.

I hate that. I hate that hour or so when I'm trying to fall asleep and my brain won't shut up. Sometimes it lets my imagination run wild with plot ideas and plans of the future. And sometimes it turns into a bully. That night it broke me down. It's so easy to play at confidence and being flirty through a text, but face to face? Real life? When he saw me...I knew what his reaction would be. Disappointment. He would be polite. I would be shy. We wouldn't know what to talk about. At the end of the night we'd say good-bye. And he would run.

Nobody can make me cry like my own brain.

I didn't go. I blew him off. And he was angry. And I felt bad, and dumb, and pathetic. I couldn't face him. I'm a coward. I'm scared. I'm scared of making someone miserable because they're too nice to just get away. I'm scared that I'm never going to have the confidence it takes to put myself out there because I don't have the self-discipline I need to change. To get better. I'm scared of rejection because I know there will be plenty. I'm scared that I will always be this way.

Ashley is the only one who knows about this. I shouldn't be putting this on here but I just needed to write.

I'm ashamed of myself. This person that I am who never says the right thing and can't stick to a diet to save her life. This girl who barely passes classes and is always tired. This girl who is not good enough, recognizes that fact and yet, still does not work hard on changing.

A song from Wicked has become my personal mantra. I have yet to actually see Wicked but I have the soundtrack memorized. 'I'm Not That Girl'

Sometimes I think, 'Dang it would be nice to have a guy.' But then I realize I am no where near the person I want to be. And Prince Charming doesn't go for just anybody. I have a lot of work to do. I'm not a kind of person that I would want to fall in love with. Why would anyone else?

I'm trying to be somebody, I'm not trying to be somebody else.

I have these dreams. Big dreams. And I want them. Day-dream about them and fantasize. But what do I do to actually achieve them? Nothing. What am I doing? What could I be doing right now?
Trying.

'Ode to Joy' scratch-that: 'Glee'

  As my little sis and I were sitting on the couch in a fit of giggles tonight we decided to try our hand at poetry. As you know 2 heads are better than one so this is gonna be good.

Here it is; our 'Glee' poem:

I'm gonna go pee

So we can watch 'Glee'

You can paint my nails

While we stare at the males

With stars in our eyes

We'll soak up the lies

Of Mrs. Terri Shu

And then you can go poo.

Ta-dah! 

:)

I kinda love giggle-fests.

This Blog

What is this?
Sometimes I'm like, Why the crap did I write that? Well I know half the world reads my all-important messages of me-ness (half the world being 1/8 of my family, ka-chow!)
So this is my journal. Yep. And why do I share it with the black hole of cyber-space? You got me.
I just like writing and stuff.

Dream Big

I want to write a book that someone picks up and can't put down.

I want to believe in something so strongly that I know with all my heart it's truth.

I want the right man to to say 'I love you' to me with tears in his eyes.

I want to change someone's life for the better.

I want to help people find happiness and freedom from whatever holds them down.

I want to live in the middle of green fields and horses.

I want to be a mom.

I want to be loved completely and unconditionally for exactly who I am.

I want to travel.

I want to learn to speak Italian fluently.

I want to make a difference.

I want to be an editor and get worthy books published.

I want to be someone you can confide in.

I want to be strong.

I want to accomplish something important.

I want to understand myself and others better.

I want to live in a house with a wrap-around porch.

I want to be a better, more dependable person than I am now.

I want to believe in myself.

I want to believe these dreams are not too big.

Skagway 11

1. I spent most of Friday driving Cole and Mindy crazy at work counting down the hours until Ash came. It was a no-ship day so it was super slow and I had plenty of time to spaz out with excitement. I heard her plane come in :) Mindy let me borrow the SmartCar to pick her up. (P.S. that thing drives horribly and you feel like a clown driving it) ASHLEY! Holy crap I missed her. I showed her around Skagway a bit and the stores then we headed to the Kone house and made Blueberry Chocolate Chip Waffles for lunch/dinner. Friday was also Krysten’s last night so we (as in me and Ash) made Chicken-n-Bacon Ranch pizza just in time for Nick to bring home The Avengers! Family Night! Well almost, we had Nick, Krysten, Cole, Hilary, Alicia (Hil’s sister) me and Ash; so we were only missing Amy (Jordan’s Mom who always goes to bed at like 8) and Mamo (girlfriends, sheesh). It was so fun! And the pizza turned out amazing.

2. I was scheduled to work 8 to 5 on Saturday but since that was the only chance to take Ash on the train Mindy worked it out so we could go. We went on the 8:15 Summit Excursion and totally lucked out because there wasn’t a cloud in the sky! No fog or anything! That is a miracle especially in the morning. It was perfect and beautiful. We grabbed our tickets and then had breakfast at the Starbucks Café/jewelry store across the street. It was still really cold when we got on the train but that didn’t stop us from spending most of the ride out on the platform. Now I have seen that route in two seasons! The colors were out and beautiful. Plus since there were only two ships in our car had about 6 people in it and they were all older couples so we didn’t have to fight for platform time. I took tons of pictures with my new camera! I love it! It has an easy panorama setting that is awesome! I’m so excited to play around with that more. We got back to Skagway about noon and I headed to work. Less than an hour after we got back the wind came in dragging packs of clouds and the sun disappeared. We had a perfect morning. Ash did some shopping I think and then came to the Rush when I got off. Um…I can’t remember what we did after that…haha but I know we stayed up late :)

3. Cold from Heck round #3. Hopefully Ash doesn’t get it and hopefully I don’t bring it home with me.

4. Last Sunday in the Skagway Alaska Branch. I’m gonna miss it.

5. I had Monday off so we took off in the morning to hike to Lower Dewy Lake. We grabbed sandwiches from Glacial on the way so we could have a picnic at the lake. It was pretty cloudy, cold and windy but it wasn’t raining yet. The first part of the trail is all steep rocky switchbacks and Ash tripped and biffed it. She skinned her elbow through her jacket and tweaked her already tweaked ankle. Once you make it past the switchbacks it levels out up to and around the lake so I just kept telling her that. We tried to count all the different species of mushrooms we saw along the trail but we lost count. I tripped and biffed it. We were doing great weren’t we? :) Our plan was to follow the trail around the lake to a big rock outcropping on the other side and eat lunch there over the water…we almost made it too. We were having a grand old time, taking in the scenery and talking, and then we heard something. So the trees here grow so close together that the slightest breeze moving them makes them creak like old doors. This didn’t sound like trees creaking. Or squirrels. Or a random hiker. We both stopped and looked at each other. Then it came again from the trees ahead. You know that sound that bears make that is a gruff growl/quiet roar type of thing?...And we started talking louder, let out a couple “whoa bear”s, and turned around rather quickly. So much for the loop. We walked back around to the other side of the lake and had our picnic there (and waited for our hearts to slow down). Most likely it wasn’t a bear and we over-reacted. But what if it was? Ya, I’m okay with over-reacting. The hike back goes really quickly since it’s all downhill and we got back into to town in pretty good time. We stopped by the Kone for ice-cream (they were trying to get rid of it before they closed for the winter so we got it for free) and Karla was there. She was going to be doing some work in the office for a while and offered to let us use her car so I could take Ash out to the Gold Rush Cemetery. Have I told you I have awesome bosses? Because I do. The cemetery is on the opposite end of town from the ocean (I still don’t know what directions are what direction, it’s just towards or away from the water) and is where Soapy Smith and What’s-his-face Reid are buried (the town out-law and the hero who killed each other in a gun fight in 1898). There is a bunch of old graves scattered through the trees. I heard from one tour guide that he always gets at least one person who comes to the cemetery and freaks out about how all of the headstones have 1898 as the year of death…hello, that’s when the Gold Rush was. It’s pretty neat although The Days of ’98 Show has made me more of a Soapy Smith sympathizer than a Hero Reid. It’s kind of funny how they ended up killing each other, each drawing and firing at the same time, Soapy died on the spot but Reid took the bullet and died slowly in bed 12 days later. That would suck. Even death liked Soapy better. If you follow the trail through the cemetery back into the trees you come to Lower Reid Falls. It’s a short walk and so worth it. It was beautiful. Ash’s foot was really starting to bother her so we headed back but took the long way :) We drove up Dyea road to the lookout spot where you can see all of Skagway and the harbor. Oh I love Skagway. We took Karla’s car back and picked up some yummy Thai food from Starfire and some movies from the Shack for the night. I just love having my sister back.

6. That night Ash’s foot hurt so bad she couldn’t sleep. Nick woke up Mamo and they gave her a blessing. By-the-way, I am so thankful for living with good boys. Completely different from Ash’s summer roommates. I love those guys.

7. Tuesday was the last ship day. I had to work at 8 so I talked to Karla and she gave Ash a ride to the clinic. Skagway doesn’t have a doctor just a Nurse Practitioner, who apparently isn’t that great. She decided Ashley has a low pain tolerance and just a sprain. And also took it upon herself to tell her that her diet must’ve been simply horrible for her to have already gotten her gall bladder out. Okay? So Ash is going to see a doctor when we get home. The last ship day wasn’t near as crazy as I thought it would be. And it felt awesome when it was over :) To celebrate we went to Brew Co. We as in me, Nick, Cole, and Hilary. I brought back food for Ash since she didn’t feel like crutching it down there in the rain.

8. Ash got me addicted to Once Upon a Time. And yes it took less than one episode for me to fall in love with Prince Charming.

9. On Wednesday it hit me: I am going home. I need to pack, and clean, and soak in every last bit of Skagway I can! Yikes! I didn’t have to work until 11 so I set my alarm for 7 so I could get my packing done before work and then just my cleaning after. Well my alarm and I didn’t see eye to eye so Ashley woke me up at 9 and then I had a little freak out session packing and figuring out what I needed to stuff into flat-rates and mail on my way to work. I know, I’m a procrastinator. It was just a little bit stressful. I got quite a bit done, mailed some packages on my way to work and still made it on time! I was really quite amazed. It was super slow at work of course so we just did random projects to start the store on its winter local gear track. I said goodbye to Mindy when she got off at 4 :( And then at 5 I clocked out for the last time. I almost cried. Before I left I got to paint my brick! Explanation: in the back room the wall along the stairs is made up of those big grey bricks, which are mostly not grey anymore. When you finish the season you get to pick a brick and paint it. It’s like a little memory shrine to your Skagway summer. The bricks are all completely random and range back to 1999 I think. Ashley (roommate Ashley not sister Ashley) made up a little saying using lyrics from some of the songs we heard over and over on the radio all summer (Like ‘Call Me Maybe’ and ‘Some Nights’). Since I was the queen of the shoe side, this is what I put on mine: < Welcome to Shoe Hell. Watch out for Asians. <3 Chrissi ’12 > I came home to find that Ash had done half my cleaning! Love you! Lots more cleaning later we made poppyseed muffins, scrambled eggs, and sausage for dinner. And then ate the rest of my huckleberry ice-cream. Karla and Duff came to say goodbye and leave us a car for the morning. And then knowing that we had to be to the ferry at 6:30 in the morning we went to bed early. HA! We went to bed by one…the last time I looked at the clock it was 3…and then we woke up at 5:15. I am gonna need to sleep for a week when I get home.

10. We made it to the ferry with all our luggage. Amy went with us. It was funny because we had no idea we would be ferrying out together until like 2 days before and then also she was on my same flight from Juneau to Seattle. I loved the ferry! I want to go on it again sometime when it’s not super cold and rainy so I can be outside the whole time. We hung out in the Recliner Lounge. It was really nice for Ash. And we got some sleep in. Half of Skagway was on that ferry. We didn’t see any whales which was disappointing but it was still fun. We had a stop in Haines but we didn’t get off. We pulled into Juneau at about 3 in the afternoon, gathered all our luggage and waited for a taxi. We had planned to explore Juneau a bit but with Ash deciding to be a gimp we just headed straight to the airport. I love the Juneau airport. There are like 10 gates, if that, and no line for security. Basically us and the other Skagway peeps from the ferry were the only ones in the airport. We got some food and got to hang out together at the gates until our flights started boarding. Now Ash is on her own. But I did check her bag as my second so she doesn’t have to deal with it when she switches airlines in Anchorage so she should make it alright with her backpack and her crutches. My flight to Seattle left at 8:05 and got in at like 11:20, but was only 2 hours and a few minutes long…I hate time changes. I caught a nap for half of it which was nice. We got in and I said goodbye to Amy.

11. 6 hours in-between flights. So now it’s almost 4 AM. I think. I have been hanging out by myself in the S terminal of the Seattle-Tac airport for the last few hours. Writing this. And playing ring-around-the-rosy with the cleaning crew. I made it all the way around the circle and now they are almost finished with my section. I can’t believe the summer is over. I can’t believe it’s almost October. Feels like a dream.

In a few hours I will be back in Utah. My hair will stay straight when I straighten it. It won’t be 40 degrees outside. I get to see my family who I’ve really missed (that I’ve really missed? Mom? My grammar is suffering) And my dog. But I love Skagway.

See you tomorrow! Scratch that. See you later this morning!

Skagway 10

1. Karla saved us from living with Keoni :)

2. Most of the people who work at the grocery store are Bulgarians. I love all the random people here in Skagway.

3. When the Fireweed goes to cotton, Summer is forgotten. It went to cotton a month ago.

4. We had our last Disney day. The season is winding down. And getting crazier.

5. So Lilly went home to China with a Book of Mormon. It’s something.

6. I moved up the totem pole. Now I work at 8 in the morning 6 days a week. Oh how I love the top of the totem pole.

7. We get lots of people in the Rush who speak very little English. It makes for some interesting interactions. Like this one guy who was trying on hats and turned to me, “which one?” I pointed out the mirror behind him but he says, “You is better.” So I picked out his hat.

8. Another mirror story. I was helping a guy with shoes and he was trying to decide on a pair. I asked if he wanted to check the mirror and he said, “I don’t need a mirror, I have a wife!”

9. I made Channie’s Enchiladas! Only the Grocery store was out of sour cream and only had corn tortillas…so they weren’t as good but still :)

10. My new roommate Krysten talks a lot. A lot. Between her and Hilary I never have to say a word.

11. We had the Missionaries over for dinner. We each made something and had a super random dinner: Chicken Pillows, Pistachio salad, Fried Mac-n-Cheese balls, and Chocolate Chews.

Skagway 9

1. So Ashley and I had to switch Nick rooms so now we are in the ‘master bedroom’ that has 3 beds and its own bathroom! We switched because a new guy and girl are coming up to finish out the season. Having our own bathroom is pretty stinking nice :)

2. We love Rocky! Monday night Rocky took me, Ashley, Keoni, and Davey out on his boat! It’s a pretty little boat but hey we didn’t have to row :) We went out across the harbor to where he has shrimp pots weighted to pull them up and collect the shrimpies. I sat behind Rocky…nobody told me not to sit behind the driver. I got a nice cold saltwater shower. I loved it though. It was gorgeous! And we saw 5 or 6 bald eagles up close. We pulled up three pots and got a bunch of shrimp, 2 species: big pinkish-redish long-legged ones and short fat blueish ones. Then on the way back you pop the heads off of all of them. I tried with one of the big ones…but when I squeezed it to pull its head off it started moving and I just couldn’t do it. They are so freaky! So then everyone made fun of me the rest of the way back. We waved to all the people on the cruise ships as they pulled out when we got back to the docks. It’s just so dang beautiful here! Everywhere you look! Especially on the other side of the harbor where the pine trees grow right up to the water’s edge and then the grey rocks drop down into the 40 degree water. There’s a waterfall that empties into the ocean there. If you look up-stream you can see a rope bridge stretched over the white water leading to a picturesque cabin. I am kicking myself for not being able to find my camera for the trip. Guess I’ll just have to go back :) We got back to the docks and checked out Rocky’s crab pot and another shrimp pot. No crabs but a ton of a different kind of shrimp. Little pink salad shrimpies. And I so ripped the heads off a bunch of those! Guts squirt and blue brains get on your fingers. Yuck. But I did it. It was such a fun night!

3. Tuesday we put the room together and cleaned the bathroom (boys, eww). And then we took a break to go to Brew Co. with Kat, Mathew, Jenny, and Alicia. Oh gosh we go to Brew Co. too much :)

4. We had some really bad weather when the new people, Krysten and Cole, were coming so they ended up stuck in Juneau all day until it cleared enough for them to fly out. New roomies!

5. Alicia, Kat, and Hilary came over and we all watched Water for Elephants. That’s a fun group of people. Krysten and Cole are cool too.

6. The next night Nick brought The Lucky One home for us. I like that movie a lot but why do they always have to through ‘scandalousness’ in everything?! After the movie Ashley and I went to the school to swing. I love my roomie. After a while Nick, Krysten, and Cole joined us. It was like Family Night! :) It wasn’t long before an awesome game of Lava Monster broke out on the playground. Have I mentioned that I love these guys?

7. Ashley, Kat and I had a Saturday off together. We went out to breakfast at the Sweet Tooth Café. Hello Blueberry Pancakes Special. Then we went to the early show of the Days of 98 Show because Kat hadn’t been yet. We went shopping at Duff’s and the Farmer’s Market in the rain. Then we crashed at the ACT house and watched The Lucky One. Again. And I fell asleep. It was a super cold day so basically we just vegged.

8. Oh, Canada! We had a ‘No-Ship Sunday’ so we(me and Ashley) went with the ACT peeps to Canada in their van.(Alicia, Jenny, Luke, Mathew, Craig, Hilary) Yes, I’m a sinner. I absolutely love the drive from here to Whitehorse. It’s so gorgeous. Jenny had never been to Canada and she’s leaving soon so we did whatever she wanted in Canada. We took a bunch of stops for pictures along the drive. We went to Carcross and took a little tour and braked for the bakery. Sour Cherry Chocolate Chip Scones. Love it. Carcross is in a beautiful spot. Lake Bennet is gorgeous and Carcross is right on the edge of it. We wandered the town a bit and stamped our passports. (They don’t stamp your passport at the border anymore, just scan something in the computer. Dumb.) Then there was the Carcross Desert and Emerald Lake and on to Whitehorse. It was such a gorgeous day! The sun was out in full force and by noon we were all wishing we had worn shorts. And I got sunburnt for the first time of the summer! :) We split up and wandered for a while, through the shops and along the river. We witnessed a random Zombie Walk. Odd. Then we met back up and went to ‘Earl’s’ for lunch, but mostly for the yam fries with spicy mango dipping sauce. :) We did the whole Whitehorse thing and went to Walmart (!) and the ‘Real Canadian Super Store’. (SBL check!) We picked up some hair dye and soap at Walmart at 1/3 the price of in Skagway. (Did I just sound like Grandma?...hmm…) The Super Store is the biggest Grocery I have ever seen! Well maybe that’s not true but compared to my little Fairway market that I’m used to now with its 5 half empty aisles…its huge. So much produce! I bought 2 pounds of blueberries and a fruit platter (which we ate half of on the drive home) and pickles! Not to mention the Canadian candybars somebody requested… :) Before leaving Whitehorse we hit Tim Hortons to get a box of donut holes to take back for the house (which we ate half of on the way home). We drove out to Miles Canyon before it got dark. That place is gorgeous. (see Facebook) We walked down to the bridge over the canyon and river and wandered along the edge for a while until we got too cold. The last stop was the Yukon sign. Still didn’t see any animals :P It was a really fun trip. We listened to crazy music and Jerry Seinfeld in the car and just had fun. It was really great to get away for a bit.

9. So you know how I told you the weather was so beautiful Sunday? Monday it was freezing. Skagway is as bad as Utah for bipolar weather. Sheesh. Ashley died my hair Hazelnut and I made blueberry waffles for dinner. Those Canadian blueberries sure are good.

10. Nicole left. We took a picture at the Rush before she left. Ashley, Nicole, Mindy and I each donned a different North Face vest from the rack and a Yukon bomber hat. Mindy ordered a ridiculous amount and variety of vests for the fall so we decided it needed a picture. We stood out in the road like the tourists to get the cruise ship in the background. I will have to steal it from Mindy. (P.S. our company pictures are up on the Klothes Rush Facebook page.)

11. Ashley and I watched An Affair to Remember on my laptop while she packed. 2 suitcases, a duffle and a backpack. :) Mostly new shoes. We cried at the end of the movie. You know that moment when Nikki realizes it was her? Oh we love that.

12. Ashley’s last day :( We put some blonde peek-a-boo streaks in my hair. It took forever to lighten but it turned out pretty good.

13. Ashley left. She came by the Rush before heading out on the ferry. Saying goodbye sucks. She is awesome. I miss her. That night Andrea, Krysten and I went to Brew Co and had a girls’ night. Pedicures, Runaway Bride, Poppyseed muffins. Good stuff.

14. Saturday Shirt Co started its end of season sale with everything 50% off. Krysten and I woke up early so we could go when they opened at 8 before she had to go to work. Mamo was up so he decided to come with us which meant we got a ride! Ya its only 12 blocks but it gave us more time to shop. Plus Mamo is fun to shop with. Shirt Co is huge, and super organized. We found a ton of good deals and ran into Kat, Jenny, Alicia, Hilary, Mindy, Becky, Rod, and half of Skagway. Krysten and I helped Mamo pick out a marble whale tale for Ali (just helping out the colorblind guy). Mamo ran Krysten to work leaving me holding 2 baskets full of stuff and everyone that saw me said “wow really going to town, huh?” I spent kind of a lot…but I saved as much as I spent! :) After we paid, Mamo and I went to Starbucks and got hot chocolate. And the Starbucks guy is kinda cute, it’s the goofy smile.

15. The side of the store that has the ‘non-alaska-y’ clothes and the shoes has affectionately been named “Shoe Hell”. Okay so maybe not so affectionately.

16. No more Nursery kids.

17. We had our last fast and testimony meeting. The people here have such interesting stories and such amazing faith. It’s the only ward I’ve been in other than a singles ward where there are no silences between testimonies.

18. I made blueberry and chocolate chip waffles. Winner!

19. Advice from Mamo: If the guy treats you like anything less than a privilege, drop his trash.

20. Heidi and Dustin and Andrea left too.

21. Mamo is loopy again. We are hanging out as a little family waiting for the Northern Lights to possibly come out. According to the all-knowing internet it will come out in 36 minutes.

22. Jordan leaves tomorrow so then the Kone House will consist of:

          Me!

          Krysten. She’s from Idaho, goes to BYU-I and worked here last summer.

          Mamo.

          Nick.

Cole. Krysten’s friend from Carolina?, goes to BYU-I. He joined the church a year and a half ago and is getting ready to serve a mission when he turns 19 in a couple months.

Amy. Jordan’s mom.

23. I can’t wait for my Ash to come visit!

Crew Discount?

Crew Discount? Do you have a discount for de crew? (Nope and if I hear that one more time...grrr)

Oh look honey, they have North Face!

Meejum?

Do you have size small in dis? (No I'm sorry all your Filipino co-workers have already cleaned us out, you gotta be quick)

I need L...where's size L? (Here's a Large right under the M)

Is this man's or woman's? (It's Unisex. Ya, it's Unisex.)

What do I get free today?! (How 'bout a punch in the face?)

Oh...I forgot my coupon on the ship...but you can just give it to me anyway...right?

I have this weird foot-thing...maybe you (a tiny touristy store in a tiny town in Alaska that sells a few shoes) might have something that will work for me...Let's try a whole bunch of different pairs!

Do you live here? (No I fly in everyday from Seattle, psh...oh you mean am I from here?)

What's the price on this? (how 'bout you look at the sticker? Sometimes it really helps)

The sign said 50% off! (well...why don't you just show me the sign and then let me read it to you and you'll discover that reading the signs often helps one understand the meaning of the sign.)

Can I get that shirt? (pointing vaguely at the wall of t-shirt displays) You know the one that says Skagway...(uh huh that narrows it down)

I'll give you $10 for these. (Um well seeing as they are labeled $13 and are not on sale and seeing as we are not a flee-market...sorry no.)

Do you have a discount for me? (Um...nope. And leaning in close with your smelly breath is not going to help your cause)

Can I get an extra-large? Oh wow that is huge...honey doesn't that look huge?

If I buy 3 is there some kind of deal?

I thought they were $19.99? (They are if you buy 2, for one it's $24.99) Well what am I supposed to do with 2 of them? How would I get them home? (Um, hello, no one is forcing you to buy 2...)

Do you have a size in this? (Well if you tell me what size you are looking for then I can check for you) A little bigger. (ok...how bout we just measure your foot.)

No English. (You know it's gonna be a fun time selling shoes when that's the first thing out of the customer's mouth. Goody!)

You have a new one in the back? (Why? You and your friends have tried this one on every week for the past 2 months and now you don't want to touch it 'cause "other people" have tried it on? Sure let me just drop everything and run upstairs to get you a new one)

How much are these? (Well according to the price sticker stuck to it that would be about $20 each) I'll take them both for 20. (Do you do this at the mall? Do you go into a 'regular' store and try to negotiate prices with the cashier? I wanna see you do this at Walmart. You do know that you're in the U.S. still right?)

Do you take American? (Oh my heck. Go back to Geography.)

I pay with this. (Ya sorry but we don't accept your cruise ship charge card for some reason...sorry)

Is there anywhere else in town to buy shoes? I need some cheap shoes. (Ya why don't you try the Walmart on 27th street.)

I just didn't think to bring my good walking shoes with me. (To Alaska? Really?)

I take this. (ok. How about you take this right up to the counter where they have those till things and pay for it there? Hmm?)

If it fits around my neck it will fit me. (We do have a dressing room if you would like to try those jeans on instead of strangle yourself with them...but its your choice.)

I need help, tell me what size I am. (oh boy...well since I think you might have 3 or 4 layers of clothing on let me just eye you and magically guess your correct jean size!)

My husband doesn't know what size he is...Do you have a tape measure? (ya sure. Here you go...ok you want me to do it...well we are just gonna guess on his inseam ok?)

Oh I have coins. (Umm...these are Chinese or something...Ya sorry I can only take American or Canadian...um yep for reals)

I need this shoe for my daughter. (ok she's not here, what size is she? oh you have a piece of paper with her foot traced on it. Ya that will help.)

Do I get some kind of deal with this? (Ya! If you buy it, you get to wear it! Alright!)

Discount? (If I never heard that word again, it would be too soon.)

Skagway 8

1. Nicole is a MaryKay person so we had a MaryKay party. And I spent some money :) and found out that I am ‘Ivory 6’…which is a bit depressing.

2. Rain, rain, rain! I love it. But only because it’s punctuated with warm, sunny days.

3. As a going away party for Little Michael we had a “Grub-tacular” night at the Kone House. Everybody showed up with food and we all hung out and watched the Olympics. We all got really into the gymnastics and swimming. It was fun to watch with so many people. Dustin and Mike-with-the-hair were hilarious. You know that Silverado commercial that shows all the things he does with his truck? As soon as it ended Hair-Mike says “bah, I can do all that in a Corolla.” (By the way, he is the Mike from church with hair to his shoulders, pretty silky looking hair too. There’s like 6 Mikes in our branch) We had fun cheering on the USA. It was a really fun night but it was sad to see Little Mike go.

4. Canada, eh? We went to Whitehorse! We decided we needed to take an excursion into Canada to see the new Batman movie. Alex got the keys to Karla’s suburban and we headed out right after work. 2+ hours of driving and even with losing an hour with the time change we still had time to hit McDonalds :) The drive over the pass into the Yukon is incredible. It’s so gorgeous. I hope I can get out there again sometime. We had a blast. Oh and for your information the dollar menu is like $4…It was good though. The movie was so good! And long! It was dark by the time we left, which is saying something, and we almost hit a mountain goat in the pass. After that we were wide awake for the rest of the drive :) We got back about 2:00 am. It was so fun.

5. Life is different up here. Not just the good stuff, all the amazing things, but some sad differences too. One of the pilots for Air Excursions crashed his plane on the way to Gustavez (sp). He was older and they think he had a heart attack because the plane just dropped. Mandy knew him really well. He was going to his daughter’s wedding the next week. This town is so small that something like this hits everyone. Air Excursions has had a couple pilots have to do emergency landings this season. It’s a different side of things that I’ve never had real close in my life before.

6. The cold from Heck has been working its way through the Kone house and work. I have never gotten sick so much in the summer time before. But I guess I have never spent a summer coming into contact with thousands of people from all over the world and all of their germs every day. This cold went through phases and then started over…it’s still lingering with all of us. Ugh.

7. Mandy left :( This whole saying goodbye to everyone kinda sucks.

8. We so do not have enough people at work. We are all working over-time everyday now and 6 days a week instead of 5. It’s real good for the paycheck…but boy am I getting burned out.

9. The 8 Week Challenge…well the other night Ashley and I made chocolate cake at 11:30 at night…we aren’t doing so good.

10. We watched the Hunger Games…early :) Perk of the Shack. I think I liked it better the second time.

11. Northern lights and a meteor shower? Heck yes! They showed up about 11:30 one night. It was really faint but I got to see the green dancing behind the mountains and the occasional meteor shooting through. Oh how I love Alaska! They faded after a while and I went back inside…but I ended up sitting in the dark by the window just in case they showed up again. Mamo woke up to eat a piece of cake. Random midnight snacks are a common occurrence in this house. We talked for a while. I described the lights to him (he is colorblind so it’s just a lighter patch in the sky to him, sad!) and he told me that he wishes he could beat up any guy who messes with my heart. Then he got deep and talked about how if everyone was just a bit nicer how much better the world would be. And then he just got loopy. I love my late night talks with Mamo.

12. The Brew Co has live music about once a week. Which I think is pretty amazing considering the size of this town. When Kat, Ashley, Jenny(ACT) and I went the band was made up of what looked like 12 year olds but they were really good. This town has everything.

13. My nursery is down to one. Everybody is starting to trickle home and the Branch is shrinking. It’s just me and Valerie.

14. So, Jordan’s mom moved in. She came up to work the last month and a half. It’s just a little weird.

15. Ashley and I decided we need to watch more ‘feel-good’ movies. We started with The Way. Wow. Amazing. Next was Salmon Fishing in The Yemen. Eh. Ewan McGregor is adorable in it but, eh.

16. So the other night Ashley and I are getting ready for bed and talking and Mamo pops his head in…and we do a double take. He got a Mohawk. Andrea cut his and Dustin’s hair and Mamo got a Mohawk and Dustin got a Mullet. (btw Andrea cut my hair…and it looks really good, she cut about 4 inches off!) They did this the day before Dustin and Heidi found out if they’re having a boy or girl, so if it’s a girl they get to get normal haircuts…and if it’s a boy they have to keep it through Church. Mamo just looks legit, I mean he is a big Hawaiian guy, he can pull off a Mohawk. Dustin on the other hand…well it’s a mullet…

17. It’s a boy! Dustin and Heidi invited us all over for a kind of find out the gender party. They had us all bite into cupcakes at the same time to find out. The inside of the cupcakes were blue :)

18. I got rainboots! Jade had a pair she got for her birthday that were too big (and we all know I have big feet) so I bought her a shirt from the Rush and we traded. They are super cute! Much cuter than Ashley’s new ExtraTufs, though those are so completely Alaska. We tested them out the other night. It had been raining all day so when we went over to the ACT house we tucked our pajama pants into our new boots and splashed through every puddle along the way. It was still raining when we came back so the puddles were even bigger. We got into a bit of a water fight… We now know the boots don’t leak :) And then we came across the skate park…and everything was soaking wet…so we decided to slide down the ramps on our tushies and see who could slide the farthest out onto the pavement. And we made Puddle Angels since we were wearing our waterproof jackets too. By the time we got home our pants were completely and totally soaked through. It was pretty much awesome.

19. This past Friday was Jen’s last day. Have I mentioned how it kinda sucks when people leave?

20. Last night was Alicia(ACT)’s birthday party. It was on the ‘fast’ Ferry. How cool is that? It was awesome. We basically had a dance party on top of the boat…docked in the harbor of course but still cool.

21. So sometimes I complain about things, and I miss you guys, but I love Skagway.

22. I have been watching Becoming Jane while I’ve been writing this. I’ve gone through it one and a half times. I LOVE this movie.

23.Ashley leaves soon. :( that is going to be the worst goodbye.

SBL #6

Hike into the Tongass Rain-forest

Skagway 7

1. Summertime! Sunshine is great :) I remember throughout May when I first got here and it was so cold and rainy, I saw the sun maybe 5 times that month. June warmed up and then the beginning of July got cold again. Now it’s about every-other-day is sunny and then rainy. This past week it got up to 80 degrees! We were all dying of heat. The next day the clouds rolled in, it poured and the temperature dropped back down to 50-ish. And I thought Utah weather was crazy.

2. I went to the Stowaway Cafe with Mandy and her friend Amanda for dinner. Cafe my eye. That place was fancy! We shared some Bleu Bread for an appetizer and I got 'Bubbly But-n-Brie' (Halibut). It was amazing. 

3. Big Mike went home this week. The house is quite a bit quieter.

4. On Thursday night I went to a Lemongrass party at the Del Sol apartment. Lemongrass is a Colorado company that makes natural soaps, body scrubs, facial cleansers, foot-soaks, lotion and such. Meika (from the Kone) sells it. (like MaryKay, you know?) We got to do pedicures and facials using the samples. That apartment smelled so good by the time we were through with it! :) Unfortunately Heidi and I had to skip out early for the employee picture. Our theme at work this summer is ‘Ship Shape’ so for our picture we all donned striped shirts and sailor hats.

5. We celebrated Christmas in July! At the beginning of the week we drew names to do Secret Santa and then had a bit of Christmas all week. Tuesday was Turnovers of course. Wednesday we each wrote notes to our person, which was so fun! It was like Elementary school with us all passing secret notes all day. On Thursday Karla brought a bunch of fruit for everyone to eat on their lunch breaks (that was Christmas right there!) Then Friday was Christmas. Karla and Duff made turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and all that for Aloha Friday lunch. The breakroom was decked out with colored lights and we each got a stocking! Haha Karla and Duff are awesome :) They gave us each a pair of socks for our stocking with a coupon good for free candy from the Kone. We exchanged gifts and said ‘Merry Christmas’ all day. It was so fun! I had Little Mike so I made him a paper doll ‘Manilla Man’ since he is heading there for his mission next month. It was really cheesy but fun. My Secret Santa gave me some yummy tangerine soda, my favorite licorice and a bottle of nail polish from Del Sol.

6. Mamo plays the Ukulele really well. We randomly here him playing it through the wall at night.

7. The ‘OK’ button fell off of my phone. Random.

8. Kim texted me about starting the 8 week challenge! . . .on Christmas. . . :)

9. Ashley and I rode the TRAIN! (Sat. July 28) Half the people who work at WPYR are in the branch and the other half play softball with Ashley so…we got to go for free! We took the loop that goes up to the summit of White Pass and back. It was beautiful. I could ride that train all day long. I took 147 pictures on the 3-hour ride :) We got to stand out on the platform between cars most of the time. The scenery was gorgeous and we saw lots of neat places with lots of history. Like the old White Pass trail still worn into the rock and, [Jared] Dead Horse Gulch where thousands of  pack animals died (mostly due to neglect) on the way to Dawson City, and the old train bridge that had to be retired because it wasn’t safe anymore but it’s still standing. What can I say? I LOVED IT!

10. The branch had a big Pioneer Day celebration out at Seven Pastures. Pulled pork sandwiches, salads and desserts plus games for the little kids and handcart races. It’s funny how Utah is the only place where wards don’t do something for Pioneer Day.

11. Church was so good today. In Sacrament one sister talked about how Satan really tempts us with ‘If you are a child of God or not’, It’s the temptation of forgetting who we are and where we need to return. Like when Satan was tempting Christ he kept saying “If you are the son of God”…Satan wants us to forget who we are and where we are headed. If he can do that his job is easy. Don’t forget that you have someone to go home to.

12. I made homemade Pizza today. We ended up putting chicken, turkey lunchmeat, mushrooms and onions on it for toppings because the grocery has limited selection :) It turned out really good.

13. We basically have the T.V. on constantly now for the Olympics. It’s fun because it brings the house together. The gymnastics blows my mind. We just watched the US team doing the balance beam. They are amazing.

14. I can’t believe it’s already almost August! Time has flown.

Ashley, Kat & Me

Manilla Man...

At the Summit of White Pass

Skagway 6

It's been forever, so this is a long post...sorry.

1. Country music at work is the best thing. You know I love my country. We usually listen to ‘the Blend’ on Sirius Radio, or sometimes ‘the Pulse’. They play some good stuff but it is just the same stuff over and over…Mindy was gone a couple days so we switched it to a country station. It was so refreshing! And exactly what I needed when I was feeling so homesick. And the country station has a longer list of songs so you don’t hear the same ones over in one shift. I love country.

2. So we have this one t-shirt at work that shows how small Texas is compared to Alaska and says “Isn’t Texas Cute?”  We get lots of comments on that :) It’s our best-selling shirt. Some Texans don’t appreciate it. It’s fun to joke with them about it though. This one family came in and started talking about how we needed to take down “that defective shirt.” One of them was a very cute, maybe adorable, guy with a great accent…we enjoyed joking around with those Texans :)


3. Mindy calls Mathew (Ashley's man) Mountain Shop man. Mindy: It looks like either he is a model for The Mountain Shop or else Patagonia threw up on him.

4. Mandy and I went to Bombay Curry! I had never had Indian food before. I got Korma Chicken and we shared some garlic Nan. It was so yummy! And that place is awesome. There is a big T.V. on the wall playing a never-ending montage of Indian music videos, which are hilarious. Mandy and I sat and talked for about an hour, about randomness and laughed at the outrageousness of the music videos. It was great.

5. I went paintballing for the first time! We went for our Branch young adult activity. It was fun! I didn’t get hit :) I was the sniper that hid out :) Nicole, Jordan, Little Mike and I were on a team. Nicole and I crouched behind some plywood fronts and peppered the general direction of the other team whenever Jordan yelled “Cover me!” I was kind of disappointed that I didn’t ever get hit because everyone was comparing welts at church the next day… It was fun, but I was kinda scared at first.

6. Sundays are so great! We have an awesome branch, cute nursery kids, good teachers, free time, and Meet-N-Eat! This time it was Breakfast :) Pancakes, bacon, sausage gravy, berry pancakes… I love Breakfast!

7. Mamo is seriously the coolest guy I know. Not only does he have an awesome sound system set up in his room which plays hymns for all to hear on Sunday mornings, not only is he a Poly, (see he is already awesome right?) but he is super nice and kind of a big brother to all of us at the Kone House. And he comes home late at night deliriously tired and entertains us all with stories. Like the other night he starts talking about how he would make a great ‘snuggie’. Mamo: I’m so hot all the time it’s like hey are you cold? Call 1-800-blah-blah-blah and order your Mamo now! And then I just show up and cuddle with them for a few minutes and they are toasty warm. Crazy huh?

8. Happy 3^rd of July! Oh…well Skagway does fireworks on the third because the firework guy is from Haines so he does theirs on the fourth and Skagway gets shafted to the third. It was freezing! But awesome! Skagway makes everything fun. They closed off part of Broadway for a live band and then we headed down to the docks to watch the fireworks over the water. They started them pretty late (11:00ish maybe?) but it was still kind of light. We went out on the Ore dock (me, Jordan and Nicole, Ashley went off with Mathew) and met up with Kat, Keoni, and some of the other ACT peeps (Alaska Coach Tours). The wind was blowing hard off the ocean and it was freezing. Coldest Fourth of July celebration I have ever been to. They set off the fireworks from the end of the Railroad dock and, for the finale, from a boat out in the bay at the same time. It was awesome.

9. On the 4^th there was a parade. The theme was “Volunteerism”. So for the Klothes Rush/Kone Kompany/Broadway Video/Duff’s float Mindy came up with “Volunteering our Sanity for 30 Years”. So we were crazy people. Crazy people being chased around by tourists waving coupons and crew members yelling “Crew discount? Do you have a discount for the crew?” I was a crew member. I chased Nicole around, who was wearing a strait-jacket, and yelled crew discount until I was hoarse. It was great :) Then we all went to work and got paid time-and-a-half! Karla and Duff had hotdogs, macaroni salad and watermelon for us at lunch. Over-all a pretty great 4^th.

10. One day at work I commented on how long Keoni’s lunch breaks seem. Mindy: He probably walked past a mirror and just couldn’t tear himself away.

11. Little Mike swam out into the ocean on an already cold day to rescue his hat. He came home nearly hypothermic. Crazy kid.

12. Jade works at the Kone. She is a local and sorta my hero. She is getting ready to go to Ireland! She is doing foreign exchange and spending her junior year of high school in Ireland. How cool is that?

13. Aloha Friday is the best. Every Friday Karla and Duff make lunch for all the employees. They always make something amazing like homemade lasagna or gyros or taco soup. We love Aloha Friday. Also Turnover Tuesday. So good.

14. One of the tour guides told us about a guy on his tour who stepped off the bus, looked around at the scenery and said, “Alaska is just God showing off.”

15. Squatch. Not long after I got here we were channel surfing and came across a show about these guys who were trying to find Bigfoot. They referred to him as ‘Squatch’. Like “it looks like the Squatch dragged some branches here to create a shelter” and they call their Bigfoot hunting “Squatching.” So…we have fun with this. Seriously just say the word ‘Squatch’ or ‘Squatching’. It’s just great. And Ashley has this irrational fear of Sasquatch. It really freaks her out. And this is Squatch territory don’t ya know? And then we got this crazy t-shirt in at work that has a freaky squatch on it which made this one tourist lady tell us about how her son and his friends are squatching right now in Oregon. HaHA! And she was dead serious. And she really called it squatching. And I love it.

16. Something I have learned about myself since I’ve been here?...I eat a lot of peanut butter. I’m on my third jar.

17. My roomie Ashley and her guy Mathew broke up. He has some stuff to figure out and thinks it would be better if they were just friends.

18. We had a girls’ night out at Brew Co. Nicole, Mandy, Jen, Ashley and I went after work. It was so fun! We just talked and talked and ate and talked. We got to know each other a lot better. And the Brew Co. has super yummy food. I got the buffalo chicken wrap with fries and got to try their Mac’n’Cheese because Ashley ordered it. It’s really good.

19. Every Wednesday night there is Karaoke at the Bonanza Bar & Grill. Kat and the other ACT peeps usually go and they invited Ashley and me. I was pretty excited. It sounded way fun but then they all flaked out so we ended up just hanging out at their house for a while eating popcorn cake and talking. Hopefully we’ll still make it to Karaoke night sometime.

20. We are working it out for Ash to come stay with me for my last week! I AM SO EXCITED!

21. Grocery shopping in small town Alaska is kinda like looking for water in a desert. If your timing is not right there is nothing there or else it has already evaporated.

22. Mandy is great. Her Mom works for Air Excursions so they get to fly free. The other day they went to Juneau and she offered to bring my back stuff from Costco. Yay! She got me a pack of tuna and a big bag of apples! Ashley and I split them and it’s been way nice to have something a little different. Of course the apples are red delicious, which if I had a choice I would never choose, but still its fresh fruit!

23. Days off are so nice. Lately I have been lucky enough to have Saturdays and Sundays off with Ashley. Last week it ended up being a beautiful day. We slept in, ran some errands around town, got smoothies at Glacial Smoothie, and laid out in the sun on our front lawn.

24. That Saturday night we went to the Drag Show at the Red Onion Saloon. They do one every year where guys dress up like women and vice versa. This year it was a charity event. All the money made that night, from people paying to get in and from the drinks sold and the money thrown at the ‘drag queens’, went to Anna and her husband. Anna works at the Shack. Her husband is currently ‘down south’, in the lower 48, waiting for a kidney and fighting cancer. They don’t have insurance. The Drag Show brought in $5,000 for them that night. It’s not much at all compared to what they are going to need but it’s still pretty neat that one little bar in one little town can raise that much in just a couple hours. Oh boy it was crazy and fun and hilarious. Mathew participated. Talk about one big woman. He is 6’4” and they found him some huge high heels to wear. It was hilarious.

25. We went on a little Twilight kick. Nicole was having a not so great day at work so I asked her what she wanted to do that night. She said veg and watch a Twilight movie. So I rented Eclipse when I got off work and she, Jordan, Alex and I watched it. So then the next night we got Breaking Dawn Part 1 and we all watched it. Good times. Alex’s Twilight confession: He watched Breaking Dawn Part 1 when it came out and then went and read the book because he couldn’t wait for the last movie to know how it ends. So he hasn’t read any of the books except for the last one and just because he was impatient.

26. Every Thursday is Disney day. Disney cruise ships dump a bunch of crazy families into our store so they are usually pretty crazy days. This past week Mindy has been gone on vacation with her family at Yellowstone and on Thursday Karla was gone to Whitehorse. So it was no Mindy, no Karla, Mandy was off, Nicole got pulled into the Kone because they were super busy, Jen was there, Ashley was there, Kat was there(which doesn’t count for much) Keoni was there with a sinus headache(ya he was worthless) and I was there. We just about died. It was so busy and hot and everyone was grumpy. Ugh.

27. Luckily that night we had an awesome Girls’ Night at the Del Sol apartment above the Shack. I made poppyseed muffins to take, there were a bunch of us and we just ate food (hummus, chocolate pie, rice krispy treats, etc.) and talked and painted our nails, and talked, and did facials, and talked and did pencil pregnancy predictions. According to the twirling pencil I am going to have one boy. Who knows? :) (July 19)

28. Like I’ve said before, since we get free movie rentals from the Shack we watch a lot of movies in this house. Some good ones lately have been: New Year’s Eve (good chick flick), Last Holiday, Just Write (I was on a Queen Latifah kick), and Becoming Jane. The last is the story of Jane Austin. It is such a beautifully done movie. I cried a few times and love Jane Austin even more now that I know a bit of her life. She was incredible.

29. Yesterday (Sat. July 21) Ashley and I hiked the Lower Dewey Lake loop. It was a gorgeous day, lots of sunshine and just enough breeze. The trail starts at the end of town and heads straight up the pine-covered mountain. The first section is steep switchbacks and I was not loving it, but after a while it levels out and the trail winds through the forest. The trees are so close together here, all fighting to be taller than those around to reach the sunlight. It’s beautiful. The trail takes you to the lake and then around (the loop) on the water’s edge. It’s gorgeous. I could’ve spent the entire day hanging out around the lake. (Pictures on Facebook soon) We followed the trail around the lake, stopping to take pictures along the way, and back to the beginning. We talked girl-talk and joked about Squatch, and I saw my first wildlife! Haha a squirrel :)

30. The rest of the day we lazed around. We borrowed the smart car and went to the grocery store to get ingredients for our desserts for the next day’s meet-n-eat and hit The Mountain Shop, which is like Duff’s but even more high-end (think Patagonia and Mountain Hardwear). We ditched our groceries at the house and then drove up to You Say Tomato, a little organic food store at the other end of town. Neither of us got anything, though the pineapple was tempting, it was all real expensive. We came back and watched Becoming Jane again and ate grilled tuna and cheese sandwiches. That night there was supposed to be a bonfire out at the Point for the Branch young adult activity but it got cold and super windy so we ended up playing Pictionary at the church. There were only about ten of us, we did girls against guys and had a blast. We came up with things like Pinterest, Twilight, exfoliate, Cinderella, and pole dancing for the guys to draw. They gave us stuff like excavator, jock strap, macaroni noodle, plyers, and gremlin. There’s a lot of fun people up here.

31. Nursery is something else. Those 3 little kids are adorable but it’s just such a small space and they are so not wanting to be cooped up. But they are cute.

32. I made peanut butter pie for meet-n-eat tonight. It turned out pretty good for going off of memory. Well I didn’t try any but there wasn’t any left so I guess it was good.

33. It’s nearly midnight but I wanted to finish this post. I’m doing great here in Skagway. There’s just something about this town. The hippies feel it, it attracts the mountain men and city-slicker tourists alike, it’s in the air and the landscape. The crowded pine trees and the wildflowers. The air is amazing here. Just breathing in lightens your weary soul. Life flows through the ocean, along the rocks, up the slopes and in the trees. It’s carried on the wind and breathes through the cracks in the old buildings. They are alive as well. Everything fits together to paint this incredible landscape which is Skagway.

Something To Say

  This post has no purpose or specific theme. I just feel the need to write. To maybe get some stuff out there that's been milling around in my head. Who knows what will end up on this page. Your guess is as good as mine.

   I've got a million emotions, we all do. They roll around in my mind like playful sea otters on the water's surface. They are always moving, switching places, disappearing for a moment only to pop up again somewhere completely different. They never tire.

   And then there's the self-doubt. Those nagging thoughts that sneak in and grab hold, threatening to send you running to the safety of loneliness. Alone is much safer. Alone is easier, but never easy. Alone doesn't make you feel self conscious of what you're wearing, how much weight you need to lose, or how blah your hair is. Alone doesn't make you worry about everything you say. Is it stupid? Is it the wrong thing to say? Alone doesn't care about the number of zits on your chin. Alone doesn't care about how little you know. Alone doesn't make you feel embarrassed. Alone doesn't judge. Alone is always there for you.

   Alone can be a constant companion or an every-now-and-then. Alone can be your best friend.

  Sometimes when I think about the future, my future, I see quite a bit of alone. It's almost as if I've resigned myself to it. Like it's all okay. Alone and I are going to be together for a long time. I see me and alone painting walls. Painting murals on the walls. Seashore landscapes, mountains, lakes and meadows. Quotes and lyrics and favorite passages from favorite books. Splattering colors that look like the 80's and a select few (namely nieces and nephews) painting with me. I see myself trying good-looking recipes from Pinterest and babysitting all the time. I see myself with a dog, or 4, at all times. And a wrap-around porch. And a big, beautiful bathtub.

    When I think about that guy. The one that is out there. I can't imagine him. I can't imagine him being real. Be realistic. Realistic? Realistically is there a guy on this earth who would be willing and able to put up with all my issues? Who would want me?

  I know I'm young. 21. There is plenty of time to meet guys. Fall in love. Get a broken heart. All that living is ahead of me.

   But realistically, I need to explore. I need to find out what I love. What am I passionate about? What field or career is right for me? The search is on. Because happiness is being in love. With your work, or your dog, your man, or your life. Love life. Because that's what you have.

Skagway 5

1. Canada is only 13 miles away and I haven’t been yet.

2. Every name gets shortened in Skagway. The Klothes Rush is just The Rush, The Kone Kompany is The Kone, the Kone House is also the Kone, Skagway Brewing Company is just Brew Co, Broadway Video and RadioShack is the Shack, etc. etc. I feel like we don’t abbreviate everything as much back home? So ya, everything gets shortened except for my name. For some reason half the people at the Kone house and at work always lengthen it to ChrissiChris.  ?

3. No matter which direction you ride a bike in Skagway it’s uphill. True story. If you are headed away from the water it’s literally uphill, and if you’re going towards the water the wind is working against you so hard…it’s actually easier to ride a bike uphill.

4. The bikes. There are 5 and a half bikes at the Kone house. 2 of them work. And both of those could really use a tune up. One is a blue PowerClimber that’s gearshifts don’t work, the other is purple and has a metal basket on the front (which is totally awesome for groceries) and the seat is barely hanging on. All bikes in Skagway have Fairway Market grocery bags on the seats. I think there’s 3 on the purple bike, one to get wet, one to stay dry, and one to hold the seat on. We love those bikes. I am gonna really appreciate mine when I get home.

5. I forgot to tell you about the ‘street’ names on the road to Dyea, the stretch I drove for the Marathon. It’s called The Hill up there. There are a few houses and each street sign basically marks a driveway. So they had fun with the names. First off you have Lois Lane and then you come to Rocky Road, and Karla & Duff’s is Rancho del Ray.

6. The other day, while I was working in the Kone, that song ‘Home’ came on the radio. You know the one that goes ‘I’m going home, to the place where I belong, where your love has always been enough for me…these places and these faces are getting old, so I’m going home.’ I sat there with my head in the freezer scooping someone’s ice-cream cone and crying. I’m not real homesick very often, because I really love it here, but every now and then something gets to me.

7. Heidi is the manager of the Kone Kompany. The other day they took apart all the candy dispensers on the wall and got all the candy that had fallen in the cracks out. She sent a gallon size bag of candy home with us that day. There’s mostly random flavors of Jelly Belly’s in there with a few Chocolate Rocks and Candy Corn mixed in, along with the occasional mint or chocolate covered coffee bean (yuck). Grabbing a handful of candy from that bag is like playing Russian Roulette with your taste buds.

8. I love Chocolate Rocks! You can’t go wrong with chocolate and these really look like little rocks! Like if someone saw them on the floor they would totally not think to pick them up and eat them! J

9. Canadians. They really do say ‘eh’ after every sentence. (SBL #18)

10. At the Rush the entire wall behind the registers is cupboards full of t-shirts with each one displayed on the cupboard door. We have some awesome shirts. One of these days I’m gonna take some pictures of some of them for you. I have heard those t-shirts read aloud in so many different accents!

11. There was this lady at the counter, she asked how much something was and then before I could even finish telling her she yelled “Forgetboutit!” I was like…okay… So she asks me about something else and does it again. Some peoples’ children.

12. My roomie owes me ice-cream.

13. We have been using pens with big sunflowers on the end at work lately because we lose pens like none other. So the other day I was checking out this cute Aussie man (haha punny), and I hand him the credit card receipt to sign and a flower pen. And we are talking and he’s not signing…so I say something about getting his signature and motion to the flower pen. He goes ‘Oh! This is a pen? I thought you were just giving me a flower. Girls randomly do that to me, you know? –wink-‘ I like Aussies. They are nice. And they call you ‘love’ which is just super cute and sweet and with their accent it just sounds amazing.

14. Kat: There’s too much Nature! There’s Nature in my sandals! (imagine with a North Carolina accent)

15. Ashley’s friend Jamela moved up here. She reminds me of Ang. She didn’t have anything going this summer so she just packed some stuff and flew up here without knowing if she would be able to find a job or even somewhere to live. She stayed at the Hostel for a few days while she was job hunting but she lucked out and found a job out in Dyea at the Chilkoot Trailhead doing odd fix-it jobs and maintenance. And they have housing for her. She is really awesome. She is in her thirties, she works as a guidance counselor at an alternative high school and she used to be a parole officer. She is kinda hard-core.

16. Last Saturday, the 23^rd, was the Summer Solstice party. It was out at Seven Pastures (the softball fields) and Alex had Duff’s truck so a few of us piled in, Alex, Mike, Jordan, Big Mike and me. And then we picked up the girl Mike has been crushing on, Nadia. She’s from Bulgaria and works at the Inn. This little town goes all out. There were tons of people there, food, live bands, little kids flying kites, drunk people rocking out in the ‘beer garden’, soccer games and beach volleyball, hatchet throwing, horseshoes and hula-hoop contests. It was crazy. We didn’t get there till about 8 so the line for food was pretty long. I got the hotdog meal because it was only $3 but they had burgers, ‘grass’ burgers, pulled pork and tri-tip too. The bands were actually pretty darn good. They played everything from Blondie to Adele. By 11 the drunk people were getting pretty crazy (I saw a couple guys get in a fight for no reason) and it was just starting to get dark. I caught a ride home from Jamela, who was driving her ride home because he had been drinking. This town is something else.

17. Skagway is full of Mountain Men and Hippies.

18. By 4:30 in the morning it is light outside. I don’t know when the sun comes up but the other morning when I woke up that early (for no reason…stupid brain) it was like daylight.

19. Sunday, the 24^th. Grandpa. Dad called me at 8 am. By the time I woke up enough to answer I had missed the call. I listened to the message telling me that Grandpa had passed away that morning. I wanted to call back, but I had to go to work at ten and I knew if I talked to anyone about it I wouldn’t be able to hold it together through my shift. What a crappy day. I didn’t say anything to anyone because I didn’t want to cry. Ash texted me but I told her I would talk to her after everything I had going was over. At work, Beau asked me if I was sad and I said yes. He said he would make me a smoothie to cheer me up (he works at the Kone) and I just about started crying. After work I had to make pasta sauce because I had signed up to bring some to the Pasta Feast Meet-n-Eat. I made Sun-Dried Tomato Cream Sauce because Mom and Dad sent me dried tomatoes, yum. When Mike goaded me about being anti-social and not going to the Meet-n-Eat I told him to shut up. He gave me a high five. (It’s funny how if you are a generally quiet person on the rare occasion you speak up and are mean people don’t get offended, they just tell you how proud they are of you). After everyone had gone I went to my room and called Ash. We talked for a while, like 2 hours, and then I called Mom. She didn’t answer so I figured she had gone to bed. I called Karla to see if there was any way I could get my shift covered for the next day because it had been so hard that day at work. She didn’t answer either so I left her a message explaining. She was the first person I told and the tears flooded as soon as I said it out loud. Mom called me back and we talked for an hour or so, well she talked and I listened and cried. I love you Mom. I called Ash back and we talked for another while. We talked until the tears turned to laughter. I love you Ash. Karla told Ashley, who told Nicole and they both gave me hugs. They are great too. I stayed up late watching OTH with Ashley and not talking about anything, just letting my emotions drain for a while.  I have never been so homesick.  

20. I ended up with Monday off. I slept in late and then read most of 1^st Nephi. I talked to Mom some more and just vegged all day. When Ashley and Nicole got home they declared it girls’ night. We went and got a frozen pizza and a movie from the Shack. We painted our nails, ate pizza and ice-cream, and watched ‘One For the Money’ which was ok but I couldn’t get over Katherine Heigl with dark hair and a weird accent. Heidi and Ariel (Del Sol), our visiting teachers, stopped by and brought us cookies. I’ve got some really awesome friends out here. I’m so grateful for them.

21. I’m doing ok.

Skagway 4

1. I am Nursery Leader! There are 3 kids in my little nursery, Pyper, Valerie, and Coleson. Valerie is the youngest and, well, she’s a little monster. Pyper likes to be in charge and talk a lot, and Coleson is just super quiet and sweet. They are all adorable.

2. So you haven’t heard from me for a while because Blogger ate my post again so this is take #2.

3. For Jordan's birthday Nicole made reservations for us at Fish Co. (Skagway Fish Company) I had the Chef Salad with grilled Halibut and blue cheese dressing. Yum! It was one of the cheapest things on the menu, but still $20. It was great to eat so much fresh veggies! (so many?) If I ever go there again I want to try the crab cakes! The birthday boy had the King Crab and thoroughly enjoyed it. Ashley, Mike and Nicole all had the Fish & Chips and Nick had the Mermaid Burger which looked really good (it's halibut). It was funny because the waiter did all our checks separately except for....no not Jordan and Nicole who are married and lovey dovey, but Ashley (my roommate who is 22...) and Little Mike (the preemie)! They were like "wait what?" It was great. After the rainy walk home we had Strawberry Shortcake. I'm glad Jordan had a birthday :)

3. Oh and Nick is our last housemate. He got here a couple weeks ago now and fits right in. We really have a great group of people in this house. He is also from Indiana.

4. Tourists! Tons of them. We have had a couple 5-ship days in the past couple weeks. 5 cruise ships in port puts 10,000 people out into this little town. It’s crazy. They swoop into the store like vultures and leave a path of destruction in their wake. Over and over, all day long.

5. My roomie Ashley is also writing a novel. But she is a lot farther than I am. She has one book basically done and plans for a trilogy. Awesome.

6. Little Mike shared with us his Twilight ‘conversion story’. That kid is hilarious. He loves the books and is not afraid to admit it. Mike: “I used to be like Saul, you know persecuting the vampire lovers, and then one day I came home and everybody was watching Twilight and I was getting ready to persecute and then there’s that scene where the Cullens walk into the lunchroom…and they were just all so beautiful and had such good style and the one that plays Alice was gorgeous…so I borrowed the book and read it that night. And then I read the rest of them in like a week. They are awesome! The movies suck but I am totally a fan of the books.” Gotta love that kid.

7. Saturday, June 9^th was the Skagway Marathon. Kristen was in charge of it (along with Buckwheat) and Ashley and I were scheduled to have that day off so we figured we would be helping but the day before Kristen said they were covered so we planned a day of sleeping in and then hiking. Well, at 7:30 that morning Mamo called us saying they needed some volunteers (the roads got washed out so all the Canadians that were coming couldn’t, including a few volunteers) and that he was outside the house right now and the race started at 8 and we needed to hurry, please? So we rolled out of bed and went to the marathon. I didn’t even brush my hair, yikes. I ended up driving Kristen’s truck to be mobile aid station #1. I drove the same stretch of road for 4 hours offering runners water, orange slices, and chocolate. Mostly I drove around eating chocolate while watching super in-shape people turn down water. It was a gorgeous day, they really lucked out. The winner of the marathon ran it in 3 hours. Crazy. After the half-marathoners (and the crazy fast guy) had finished they didn’t need me anymore so I caught a ride home and went back to bed. I slept till like 2:00! Crazy. By that time Ashley was back, and needed a nap, so we slept for another hour or so. We decided that the hike wasn’t going to happen so we set up an appointment to get feathers in our hair at the Bazaar. There is a lady there with a little shop where she does feather hair extensions and makes feather earrings and dream catchers and stuff like that. She had given a bunch of us coupons for a free feather extension so we decided to take her up on it. My feather is white and black striped J Afterwards we headed over to the Skagway Brewing Company, or Brew Co. for short, for dinner. The awards ceremony for the marathon was taking place there so all the volunteers got 10% off their food. I got Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken (‘cause it was cheapest and sounded really good, bonus!) and Ashley got the mushroom and swiss burger (burgers are their specialty). Don’t worry Mom, we didn’t try their Brew.

8. My roommate is twitterpated. And so is the guy. (as evidenced by him buying her earrings when he was in Canada today) J And she owes Nicole and me M&Ms.

9. Keoni saw my feather at Meet-n-Eat last Sunday. Keoni: Getting in touch with your roots, eh? Me: I’m Swedish and German. What roots are you talking about?

10. We all went out to Smugglers’ Cove for FHE this week and had a cookout. It was way cold but the fire was big so it was fun. Oh, and s’mores made with strawberry marshmallows are really good. And then when we were hiking out the back side of the cove towards White Lightning, up this really steep trail. Jordan: Argh! This is like a 90 degree angle! Nick: You Flatlander! :) Indianaians...?

11. This past week we have hung out with the Del Sol peeps quite a bit. I have a hard time with them, I mean they are great but in the back of my mind there is this bitterness…like one of them should be Ash. I miss her.

12. I introduced the Kone house to Frequency and chocolate chews all in one day. It blew their minds.

13. Mom and Dad sent me a care-package! I love you!

14. I think I am going to catch every sickness possible this summer. Those nursery kids are always sneezing.

15. I am learning lots about a lot of brands. North Face, Tilley, Oakley, Levi, Mountain HardWear, Montrail, Wigwam, Smartwool, Keen, Teva, etc. I can tell you all sorts of random facts. We had a clinic last Sunday morning about a few of them and now I have proform codes for super discounts! Plus we all got some free stuff; hiking socks, a water bottle, chapstick, stickers, Kone bucks, etc. It's great.

16. My North Face order came! I got my sweet awesome waterproof Venture jacket with the pit zips! Heck yes! The rep doesn't like us calling them 'pit zips' but we still do. They are 'ventilation zippers'! he says :)

17. Apparently I am the 'official' closer at the Rush. I work 10:00 to close almost every day. It's not bad and I'm making overtime because I don't get out of there till 7:30 most nights but it gets a little old.


18. As you know Blogger has become a bit of a frustration in my life lately. I think he and my internet are not the greatest friends. So there are pictures this time but not where they are supposed to be so, ya. Oh well.

The Klothes Rush, and the view down the tourist-crowded street to the docks and one of the ships. Sorry its from my phone so its not easy to see it all.

Marathoners!

My feather! Again bad picture because its from my phone...and taken in a bar...

I love the Skagway river.

One of the hugmongo cruise ships.

I decided I needed to document all the places these sandals will go this summer that they really shouldn't...tennis shoes are just not as fun...and I really need to paint my toenails..sorry bout that :)

The mountain man in the green shirt with the crabs is Dustin, the other is Nick.

Shrimp Pot spoils :)

The tallest Rhubarb in town!

Yep...and it's all gone.