SLCC: One Fangirl's Experience

Okay, so Comic Con was a month ago and I'm just now writing about it, not because it's wasn't awesome, but because I am currently taking 3 online classes and therefore haven't been spending much time on 'writing-for-fun' stuffs...

Anyways. Here are my thoughts about my first Comic Con (or any kind of con):

Ash and I played with the idea of going for awhile and then when we found out Stephen Amell and John Barrowman were coming it was a done deal. We bought our tickets, killed time watching Doctor Who, and stalked the SLCC facebook page for two months in anticipation. Finally, September 6th rolled around. (we weren't quite dedicated enough to take off work to go to all three days...)

We woke up early, put on our Supernatural shirts/HP bracelets/Tardis pendents and actually put some effort into doing our hair. (Plus the Felicity nail polish! for good luck) We drove to Provo, hopped on the train and rode to Murray, then switched to the trax. I highly recommend taking the train/trax, I mean when else do you get to ride a train loaded with superheros and other incredibly costumed awesomeness? Exactly.

Well it took forever to get there, though not having to fight for parking probably made it worth it.
And then, we got off in front of the Salt Palace and were affronted with the longest line populated with the most people we had ever seen. Literally more people than live in my entire county. Not more than the sheep though, at least there's that...

We walked 13 miles, wading through a river of Batmans, Jedi (crap whats the plural? Just Jedi? Ya ok), and the odd pikachu to reach the end of the line (okay so it just went entirely around the block but there was a hill in there). Then we turned around and started walking back the way we just came. I must say this was quite possibly my most enjoyable line-waiting experience (though sitting 5 hours on the sidewalk in 30 degree weather to get into the midnight show of Harry Potter 5 is still pretty up there) Seriously though, people-watching heaven! We should've been playing fantasy bingo or something. It was awesome. We ended up behind a hobbit and in front of the Green Lantern. This super short chick had a shirt that read, "I'm not short, I'm a Hobbit." Which is possibly the best shirt ever. And we definitely should've counted how many Malifecents passed by.

After an hour or so we finally made it to the doors! And then entered the second biggest line and the biggest human snake ever. The line switch-backed through a giant room, making it so you got to know the costumes of the people 20 ahead and behind you very well. Highlight of this section of the day? Definitely the perfectly dressed, impeccably bearded, ginger Obi-wan who I flirted with mercilessly every time we passed each other in the snake. (By 'mercilessly flirted' I mean cast side-long glances and laughed a bit extra when he was in ear-shot.)

Anyways...  We were aiming to at least get there in time for Stephen Amell's panel at noon but we just missed it so we jumped in line for John Barrowman's. An hour later we were turned away because it was completely full...but hey, we did get to stare up the giant trolls from The Hobbit's noses while we waited. Okay, that sounded like I was complaining but really standing in line at Comic Con is much better than standing in line anywhere else and the detail in those trolls was amazing. We wandered, followed around a Tenth Doctor that was so good he made me double-take, and took lots of nerdtastic selfies for most of the day.

Then. Then...

Photo Op!!! So I'm broke but Ash bought me a Arrow photo op with Amell and Barrowman. Yes she is the best sister in the world. We tried to get in line but couldn't tell which mass of people was moving towards eventually turning into the right line, so we just hopped in behind a couple with a baby that were all dressed in matching Superman shirts. We talked, we laughed, we people-watched to our hearts' content. Eventually we lost the cute Superman family, who ended up being the best kind of people, because a while later they came back for us. That Superman fought his way through hundreds of people to come get us when he found the right line. Thank you random people! You were totally superheros to us that day. Ya, so, lines... And then!

WE GOT TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE.

There was like a team of people prepping us on getting in and out crazy fast. Stand at the line, as soon as the camera flashes for the people in front of you's picture, run (don't walk, run) over there for your picture and then rush out. I started getting antsy, and then feeling like what I imagine an Olympic ski jumper must feel like waiting at the top of that run. And then I was on the line. And then the camera flashed. One of the prep team peeps looked and me and yelled "Go!"

My thought process:

 Oh! Oh my gosh. Run! Run over there. HI. I think I said 'hi'. Did I say 'hi'? Ohmygoodness their arms are around me. Oh goodness. Wait, should I put my arms around them too? Ya, maybe, ya. Ok. He's kinda close, my arm's kinda pinned, um if I just, oh that's his tush. Oh. Oh. Ok so I'll just not, not move that arm anymore maybe just hover...Okay the other arm/other guy Wait the what? Well that was the flash say thank you thank you. Did I even smile? that happened so fast I didn't even have a chance to suck in. I don't know if I smiled, holy crap I touched John Barrowman's butt.

Thanks to all who made my first Comic Con experience pretty much awesome. Also, John Barrowman, here's my apology for accidentally grazing your butt. Also I thank you.

Just Fiction? Nay.

I would just like to account a conversation Ash and I had the other day in Mom's kitchen, you then can call us whatever names you wish.

Ash: Did you see that article Rita Skeeter wrote about Harry and all them? It kinda blew up the internet today.
Me: Wait, what?!
Ash: It was a Quidditch final and everybody showed up and they're all like 34 now....
Me: AAHHH! No I didn't see it! Tell me everything!
Ash: Well Harry was there with Ginny of course, and Rita was going off about how Harry isn't doing a good job raising Teddy because he's a trouble-maker...
Me: Bah. Rita's a turd, wait how old is Teddy now? He's gotta be...
Ash: Like 17 I think...
Me: Oooohhhh...
Ash: Oh and Ron was a Auror for like 2 years but then he quit to help run Weasley's Wizard Wheezes...
Me: Oooohhhhhh....(voice cracks)
Ash: Ya, George was having kind of a hard time with it...
Me: (chokes back ugly tears)
Mom:
Ash: (changing subject frantically before said tears emerge) But Hermonie's still at the Ministry!
Me: oh good.
Ash: And then there's Luna...
Me: Oh Luna
Ash:...and her husband...
Me: Luna got married?!?
Ash: Ya! Newt Scamander's grandson!
Me: Oh ya I think I remember hearing about that...
Mom: (rolls eyes)
Ash: And Neville!
Me: Neville got married too?!?
Ash: Ya to Hannah...
Me: Abbot?
Ash: Yep
Mom: (starts questioning if her original assumption that we were discussing fictional characters was off)
Me: And he's Herbology professor, right?
Ash: Ya and Hannah's going for Madam Pomfrey's old job
Me: Oh cute Hogwarts couple! Awww...
Mom: (slight look of concern crosses her face for her daughters' sanity)
Me: Wait! Who's the Headmaster now?
Ash: I don't know...
Mom: (watches curiously, marveling at the nerdiness of her offspring)
Ash: Oh but you heard about Emma Watson right?
Me: That she's an ambassador...
Ash: Goodwill ambassador...
Me: Ya that's so cool!
Mom: (rolls eyes with accompanying 'look')
Me&Ash: (simultaneously and rather indignant) SHE'S A REAL PERSON!

You may call us dorks, embarrassingly lost in a fictional world, crazy... Well, call me a Book Nerd and I will gladly take upon me the label and carry it proudly. I will even admit that I am currently not reading the second book in a series because I loved the first one so much and it ended so well I am not ready to start the next and send the characters into more turmoil. I am letting them have some time, a bit of their happy ending before they end up going to war in the sequel (which I'm sure will happen because, hey, its a dystopian).

I'm fully aware that none of that makes sense. They are fiction. My not reading the book does not change what's going on with the characters. They're not real. Knowing that and feeling it are two different things.

Fellow Book Nerds will understand.

BTW, it's Unwind by Neal Shusterman. (I know, once again I am behind the times) It's a particularly well-written and otherwise marvelous book. I am excited to read more...but, the characters have been through enough for the moment, they are in pretty good places right now and I'd like to let them have a bit of peace and happiness before continuing.

And yes, I do realize this makes me gigantically book nerdy.

So be it.

Dear Dad

    Fathers' Day is only a few days away so the storyhour we took the clients to today was all about Dads. The Storylady read book after book about great dads, some human, some penguin. Afterwards she passed out a card to each kid for them to color for their dads. The card read, 'Dad, You're out of this world!' with some funky looking aliens and then, 'Happy Fathers' Day'. We had eight clients there.
Only three of them have Dads to give cards to.
    One of the clients colored a card and then tore off the top part, the part that said 'Dad, You're out of this world!'. Another colored one to place on a headstone. The others that don't have dads just colored for something to do and then threw them away.
    The more I thought about it the closer to tears I got.
Three out of Eight.
   
    Dad? Have I ever told you how glad I am that I have you? Having a Dad at all is pretty lucky. Having one like you, that is always there for me, that stands by me, listens to my rants, and loves me anyway. That. That is an incredible blessing.
    I know I am far, far from the perfect daughter. I make my fair share of mistakes, am the cause of plenty of disappointments, don't help out in the yard enough. But I have never once doubted that you love me. Thank you so much for that. Unconditional love is rare these days, even in families, and I'm so lucky to be a part of a family with so much love.

Thank you for being my Dad. I can only imagine how scary my world would be without you.

I love you.

Just That Spoonful of Sugar

    This afternoon for the last hour and a half at work I was just hanging out with one client. He didn't want to go anywhere so I popped in his favorite movie; Mary Poppins. It was a VHS and hadn't been rewound but since we didn't have time for the whole thing anyways we just watched from where it was at. Which was about here:

'A spoonful of sugar, that is all it takes, it changes bread and water into tea and cakes.'

I can't tell you how many times I've seen this movie, heard this song, and even sang along. But this time I guess I was listening a little differently. Maybe it was because I had spent the day with some amazing people doing everything I could think of to make them smile, laugh, and have a good day...Or maybe it's just because I am a very emotional person...Either way I found myself choking back tears. I've been less than impressed with some of the clients' parents lately, and I know I can't judge/I don't know/understand everything/etc. But...Well some of them have very 'bread and water' lives.

'A spoonful of sugar goes a long long way, have yourself a healthy helping everyday.'

They deserve more. They are the most innocent, sweet, loving, accepting, amazing spirits on the earth. Seeing them smile, hearing them laugh, receiving a hug; these are more than incentive enough to make sure they're getting 'tea and cakes'.

Life is hard, no matter who you are, but that Spoonful of Sugar helps The Medicine go down. Whether The Medicine is a rough home life, physical disabilities, mental troubles, bad days, or, actual meds. I think that for most of our clients what we do is a Spoonful of Sugar for them. I'm sure it's not their only Spoonful, I'm sure their families are constantly spooning out sugar, doing their best to turn the bread to cake. 

As I sat there, holding back tears and thinking of cake, I came to a conclusion. I want to be a Spoonful of Sugar. When Life starts tasting bitter for these clients I hope I always can manage to pour out enough Sugar to take the edge off. The more I thought about it the more grateful I became for the wondrous opportunity I have right now. Right now I can be that Spoonful of Sugar, not only at work but in my everyday life with my nieces and nephews. The great thing about not being the parent is that you don't have to be the parent. You can be the fun aunt, the friend, the buddy. You get to be pure Sugar.

I'm going to do everything I can to be that Spoonful of Sugar that never runs out, always there to make life a smidgen sweeter and the tea a little less bitter.

Worries

I don't know why I let myself get freaked out. But I do. All. The. Flipping. Time.

When I look back at three days ago when I was worrying myself sick about this new job I can't believe it.

I love it.

Everyone kept telling me that it takes a special person to do this job. I started feeling less and less up to it. I'm not an uberly patient, super-human with a greater than average mental ability or twice the normal size heart.

But you don't have to be super-human. The first day was a little overwhelming. I don't have a ton of experience with lower functioning and disabled adults. I didn't know what to expect from each of them, didn't know how to interact with each of them because they seemed so different from each other.

I also didn't expect the love. The first couple days I was focused on learning, on just trying to not do anything wrong, and observing and absorbing everything I could. But over the third and fourth day the love I felt for them took me by surprise.

I've felt the instant love for my nieces and nephews. I fell in love with Skagway. But this is different. I've always heard missionaries talk about falling in love with the people of their mission and now I'm pretty sure I know how they feel. It's not just compassion, not just natural feelings of affection. I wasn't prepared for how fast and completely I would come to love each of the clients. Hearing them laugh, seeing their smiles, helping to make them happy, is probably the best feeling in the world. Hearing about some of their less-than-ideal circumstances, sorrows, seizures and other difficulties breaks my heart.

I have known some of them less than two days, others four, and I love them like I've never loved anybody else. The only thing I can think is that God is sharing some of his love for them with me. It's amazing.

It doesn't take a 'special kind of person', all you need is love.

SeeSaw

I'm on a seesaw. Have been for the last few days. (Also I don't call them seesaws...but how the heck do you spell teeter-totter? like that? or how you say it like teety-totter? Either way its just a weird word.) Anyways, up and down. Up and down. UP....and back down.

I got a job offer. Out of the blue. Which made me freak out because I don't like 'out of the blue'. Even when it's a good thing, or even something amazing, 'out of the blue' just freaks me out.

So apparently I start tomorrow. I'm sitting here trying to read through all the many pages of my New Employee Packet and panicking.

I don't think I want to do it.

But people keep telling me it would be rewarding and I'd be good at it and I already told them I could start Monday but technically I haven't even applied yet and they really need someone fast because they are short and I feel obligated to do it.

It's a job that fell into my lap when I'm looking for a second job. It pays more than I make right now, not much but more. It doesn't include cooking french fries.

I should be excited right? Super grateful and all that?

I'm terrified. And having panic attacks.

And for no good reason.

Except that my self-confidence is lower than almost ever right now. (which is pretty darn low considering I don't often have any)

So I don't know if I'm just having a low self-esteem fueled freak-out session or if I really don't want to/shouldn't do this.

Every other hour I'm either feeling calm and 'I can do this' and 'it's just for the next 3 months it's not like I'm committing my life to this job'...And then the frenzied 'I can't I can't's and 'I'm not patient/good/everything enough' and 'Nope its not what I planned, I don't want to' sets in...

It's a seesaw. And I need the burly man/woman/bear across from me to either plant their mass against the gravel or jump the heck off.

Get me off this thing and tell me what to do!

Please.

New Leaf

So my extremely shy self (the one I thought I had finally put behind me after moving to a town in Alaska where I didn't know anyone and working in retail for 2 summers...) made an embarrassing appearance this weekend.
FYI I had an awesome weekend.
Not only did I get to hang out with a bunch of my awesome family, but I got to go to a Wakey!Wakey! concert! And it was awesome. AND I got to meet Grubbs after. That is when shy-me decided to show up. I was kinda starstruck...I know that sounds stupid but it's true. I was mumbling and blushing like crazy. And you know what he said to me?
He said, "Oh, you're so sweet."
The way he looked at me it was like I was some old granny hunched over a cane, patting his hand and telling him "you're a fine young man" in a slow shaky voice.

I don't want to be an old lady.

I know I'm not the type of girl someone meets in passing and thinks 'I'd like to get to know her better'. I'm the type of girl that if you are forced through some circumstance or another to get to know, well, you just might like me.

I don't want to be that girl anymore.

It's time for some change. It's time to be a strong, happy, pretty, interesting 23 year-old woman, not a sweet old lady or a fat little girl.

I'm using this as motivation and I'm running with it.

Fairy Tales

It has come to my attention recently that I am slowly driving myself insane.

The greater part of what I am inputting into my brain, and therefore my soul, is complete and utter fictitious fairy tale. And I am obsessed with it all. I love the love stories, the heroics, the heart-wrenching misunderstandings that only make love stronger in the end. I love the Prince Charmings, White Knights, Guys-next-door; the hilarious goofy ones and the strong silent ones. I fall in love over and over, perfect fictional character after another. I cry at every declaration of love.

It's getting scary.

And then, when it's over the tears change their tune. They run down my face not because it (true love, acceptance, joy) is so beautiful, no, now it's because it is fiction. All of it.

Those love stories are fairy tales. Whether animated with princesses or not, its all the same. For example, some of my favorites:

Gilmore Girls- Lorelei is insane. Cutely, endearingly, and adorably most of the time but sometimes she is just plain annoying. And you know what? Christopher wants to marry her. Oh and then there's Max who also wants to marry her. Oh wait don't forget Luke; Luke who is so in love with her that every time you see his face on screen it breaks your heart. And that's just season one.

Gilmore Girls- Rory is more grounded, but has her own insanity at times. She freaks out about getting perfect grades and having a perfect resume for college, studies constantly, and keeps her boyfriend on the back burner only letting him show up in about every-other episode. And yet...Trystyn likes her so much that the feeling not being mutual has turned him into an absolute jerk, Jess knocks over competing snowmen and fixes toasters for her, and Dean, well, he builds her a car. I'm serious. He must have spent every episode he wasn't featured in for a season and a half rummaging through junk yards working his tail off putting the thing together. We won't get started on the perfect paint job.

Northanger Abby- Catherine is so completely lost in her Gothic romance novels that when invited to stay with the Tilneys she convinces herself there is some horrible secret in the house, sneaks around prying into the dead mother's private room, and finally accuses Henry Tilney's father of murdering his mother. He forgives her and proposes.

Breakfast at Tiffany's- Holly Golightly. Need I say more? Not only does Fred-baby put up with being called Fred-baby, Paul loves her through everything. All of her crazy plots to marry a rich guy. Every careless or even awful thing she says to him, learning about her past life, and through her indictment...he just loves her. No matter how crazy she gets.

Austenland- Jane is hopelessly, alarmingly obsessed with all things Austen. She borders psychopathic-ness. And Mr. Nobly is her modern Mr. Darcy. He gets in a fight at an airport for her, bares his heart in front of random strangers, flies across the Atlantic ocean for her...

Okay I could go on and on, and I was planning to, (a certain man who wrote a love letter and had a certain woman read it only to recite it to her before she could finish reading comes to mind. He memorized the letter. I mean really? These people are trying to rip my heart in two) but I am actually getting kind of bored of typing so let me sum up.

These women all have something in common. They are not perfect. Some of them don't even have perfect hair. And that is the proof. The proof that it's all fiction. Grown-up women's fairy tales. Because in nearly every story, the man, though not perfect himself, is closer than the woman. He gives some speech at some point about her making him be better, she is his fantasy, her imperfections make her beautiful, and when he laughs at her it's out of delight not because she did something utterly stupid.

And it's all what we want to hear. The ultimate fairy tale.
He loves you not in-spite of your imperfections, your quirks, your unattractive qualities; no, he loves you because of them.

And the tears run down our faces because it's all so beautiful, and, because our hearts are breaking.

Grrrrr...

Okay so I'm gonna vent.
Found this beautiful guy at work today:

And I took him home with me because he looked like this:

 

 You could see his ribs and hip bones through his thick fur.
And it ripped my heart out.
We gave him some hotdog bits and water so he'd stick around til I got off work. He was hungry. And very sweet about it. I took him home, got him some dog food and water and took these pics, trying to get a good one to put on Facebook to try and find his owners. I figured he must've been on his own for awhile to look as bad as he did. I gave him food and water and he chowed down. And then I thought that probably if he hadn't eaten for a long time he should take it easy so I took the food away for awhile. He just looked at me. I just kinda hung out with him for the next half hour, petting him as he lay next to me. And then I got a call from work saying someone was there looking for him and they sent them over.

Apparently he hadn't been missing very long.

Okay you know that I know that I'm not classy at all...so when I say that the couple that came to pick up Dakota was 'white trash'....ya, they were. Like it's barely 60 degrees and she's wearing a strappy tank top stretched over her pregnant belly... Ya.

Spaghetti Straps: Be careful! Get away from him! He's mean!

Me: (raises eyebrows) He's been fine with me...I gave him some food...

Spaghetti Straps: Oh I've tried everything! He just won't eat for us, he's got worms, I gave him chew and everything, of course I don't go near him because he tries to attack me I just chuck it towards him and he won't eat anything. I've tried everything!

Me:   (everything except going to the vet! grrrrr)

They took him away and now I'm kicking myself for letting them.